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Never too late to change

Tawanda Murray shares mission

By DAWN HANKINS - dhankins@t-g.com
Posted 9/13/22

Tawanda Murray is a hometown girl who is on a constant mission to encourage this community to be more supportive of those suffering from the dysfunction of substance abuse. This Bedford County native …

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Never too late to change

Tawanda Murray shares mission

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Tawanda Murray is a hometown girl who is on a constant mission to encourage this community to be more supportive of those suffering from the dysfunction of substance abuse. This Bedford County native understands, because she, too, is in long-term recovery.
She’s walked the walk, literally straight into Bedford County jail, several times. Her first incarceration was back in 1994.
She realizes now how the pains of mental and or physical addiction can come from many sources. Having a greater understanding of that, these days, this mom and grandmother said recently that she’s come to have a deeper relationship with God.
While she always believed in God, she refused to see the path He was guiding her to take in life. Sadly, she crossed to the “wrong side of the street” many times, she said.
Cocaine use, she admitted, took its toll on her personal life.
But through a myriad of life experiences, Tawanda is now the founder and chief executive officer of “I AM Recovery.” She lives in Nashville now, but is often found in Bedford County, where her family still resides.
From golf tournaments to talking to local inmates, she’s  now a woman on a different mission in life. She and the Prevention Coalition of Bedford County will present a NARCAN training session at Edgemont Baptist Church, located at 150 Fairfield Pike, in Shelbyville 6 p.m. Thursday.
Everyone who attends Thursday’s training session will leave with a NARCAN overdose kit. In her publicity of this training, Tawanda notes that the number one cause of preventable death in this country for ages 18-45 is Fentanyl. The NARCAN works for this and other opioids.
Prevention coalitions
Tawanda explains that across Tennessee, prevention coalitions are working to reduce dependence on harmful and potentially lethal substances such as prescription drugs, alcohol and tobacco. “These coalitions are made up of people who care a lot for their communities and want to make them safer and free of drugs,” she said.
Members include teachers, police officers, doctors, nurses, politicians and students. “They are people who come from all walks of life . . . see what’s going on in their area and then take action, informing citizens about potential threats and to help substance abuse.”
Tawanda is a member of the Bedford Coalition. “Today, I live in Nashville, Tenn., due to not having a recover space when I needed treatment in Bedford County. As well, I have been in the justice system. It was there I found the will to make changes to my life. No, it was not done overnight, but it was where I could distance myself from all the movement and turmoil of the fast-paced happenstances I faced from outside.”
There were people, she said, who cared enough to visit her when she was incarcerated and give her some hope. “The first I saw was [late] Ms. Ann Hayes; she came weekly to Bedford County Jail and encouraged the ladies. Back then, it was only a few, due to the arrival of the newly incorporated Drug Task Force in 1994.”
She explained how Ann had a “vision” to build a house for women to grow beyond their trajectories. Tawanda now has the same vision for the future.
Tawanda’s goal today is to follow in her mentor’s footsteps as a good example. “I will never forget what it meant and still means to have embraced her kindness and care.”
She added there were more, “Then we had Mrs. Mary Ellen Koonce who is today still a major part of my life. I was graced to have Mrs. Geneva Smith as part of my change team.”
She says Geneva, the former Shelbyville mayor, did not play about her feelings of doing what was right. Tawanda gets that, now.
She also mentioned Charles Griffy with the local probation board; he was also instrumental, she said, in leading women like herself into a more productive future. He did that, she recalled, by sharing a kind word in belief of their abilities to go forward and not backward.
“My journey affected my children, parents, siblings, family and friends,” said Tawanda. “It was not a path I grew up saying I wanted to take but it happened. I take full responsibility and in doing so, it was my job to get my wellness back up.”
Tawanda explained how the “stigma of substance abuse” is still at a volume that needs to be lowered in this community. “The shame and guilt within itself is traumatic. I sought help several times until I realized that only you can stop. It’s like any other dysfunction—gambling, overeating, etc. You must get help. The doors of recovery became my hospital. My physician became God.”
It’s with those tools she encourages others of this community to be more supportive of those suffering from substance abuse. “The truth is, in actuality, what affects one member of our community affects it overall.”
She explained if it is a parent, the children suffer. If it is homelessness-something she’s seeing more than ever here—it affects the community as a whole.
“Trauma has many forms, sexual abuse, poverty, low educational knowledge and learning disabilities, etc. I don’t know anyone who does  not know someone within their family, church, school, neighborhood, etc., who hasn’t experienced this dis-ease.”
It was Bob Hudson, she revealed, who established the Bedford Coalition in 2017. She explained that he had a desire to help those individuals, families and communities.
They gathered one night at First Baptist Church in Shelbyville. While some have fallen away since, Tawanda said many have been added to the program.
“It is my hope and prayer that we have more people get involved, if by nothing else, pray for the mission.”
The wrong side of town
Tawanda graduated from Shelbyville Central High School, where she played basketball, was a mat maid cheerleader, homecoming attendant and a ribbon presenter at the Tennessee Walking Horse National Celebration. Life was good.
She had aspirations to professionally model, so she moved to Texas. That wasn’t all it was praised to be, she admitted.
So she moved back to Tennessee, getting a job in Tullahoma. She has since furthered her education.
Tawanda said she loves people and clothes. She’s still just as fashionable. But now, it is healthy. Then, it was too inward.
“That was me, doing my own thing. Even though that was the way people were, I just needed to be me.”
Tawanda found herself on “the other side of town,” that is, where drugs were prone to be more prevalent. Through her drug use, she was finally accepted, so she thought. Her addictive behavior caused in inner battle.
Then some Christian friends shared with her about the love of God. She listened.
Tawanda soon became pregnant with her first daughter. She is now the mother of 3 daughters and 3 grandchildren.
The Bedford County woman is thankful for the support of her family over the years. She would eventually care for her mother, another great supporter in life, who passed away in 2016.
She knows first hand how People who are in recovery need that support. Tawanda said she went through the same pretenses over and over. That is, that “everything was fine.”
She began assisting in a halfway house. But something was still missing, she said. “I finally realized I go where I go. If I go to treatment, I go. If I go to church, I go. You live with yourself. And you have to live with underlying issues . . . .”
One underlying issue with Tawanda was perfection. “I thought . . . have I done enough?”
Tawanda was incarcerated through the first Drug Task Force here. She said she was unaware of her drug-related situation but she was charged with conspiracy. “They offered me a $3,000 fine, 3 years probation . . . .”
To get the charge off her record, she was to take 6 months in jail. “That was the hardest decision of my life.”
But the weight of the “outside,” according to Tawanda disappeared while she was incarcerated. She made use of that free time.
“That’s where I started connecting to the Lord every day. I was blessed . . . get up every morning at 5’clock an hour early to pray.”
She would return to jail several more times. But she knew God wasn’t giving up on her.
Then, she began Bible studies and fasting. She is firmly convinced that her immersion in God’s Word set her on the road to recovery.
She credits many on the Bedford County Coalition with having her back through her recovery. She’s friends with many still today.
“The biggest thing to realize is that it’s OK, not to be OK.”
Upon moving to Nashville, she found a medium. She did an 8 week outpatient course there. “I observe me,” she said. “That’s what you have to do.”
She added, “Regardless of statistics, nobody wants to live that way.”
Tawanda believes this community is losing its children to substance abuse. God is still in the mix, she revealed. “God will not continue to sit in heaven and watch things happen the way they are. Just like everything else, it’s a time. This is a beautiful world. It’s just how we react in it.”
These days, the world looks more beautiful to Tawanda. While the world is constantly changing around her, and in some ways not for the better, God is still in full control of her life, she explained.
It is up to the disciples to go into the world and make a difference, she added. That’s what Tawanda has decided to do the rest of her life
A life changed
Since her recovery, Tawanda has been a presenter for the National Alliance on Mental Illlness (NAMI) and is a certified peer recovery specialist (CPRS) in the state. She holds a certificate for recovery practices, as well as CPSS training.
In 2022, she still stands tall as she serves on the Nashville Community Advisory Board and the Blue Care Behavioral Health Advisory Regional Board across the state.
Tawanda also has written a curriculum of recovery titled, “I am Recovery,” which passed scrutiny, she said, in a drug court in 2015. It’s also been reviewed, she explained, by the juvenile justice department, Centerstone and is now registered with the Secretary of State.
She’s busy sponsoring recovery for women’s prisons. As well, Tawanda has acquired 38 hours of study in criminal justice.
She’s also involved in local and state-wide housing issues and is a speaker at numerous conferences throughout the year.
The Bedford County native, who grew up right here on Elm Street, revealed how she’s also pursuing a bachelor of arts degree in behavioral studies and has been certified as a life coach. With her phone in her hand, she moved on to another meeting in Bedford County.
But before heading out to that appointment, she made time to express her faith. Tawanda said she believes if she had not obeyed God’s call upon her life, she’d still be an empty shell.
Tawanda also serves as a member of the Tennessee Association of Recovery Court Professionals and the Tennessee Association of Alcohol, Drug and Addiction Services. In 2019, she was selected as “Volunteer of the Year.”